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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Glass Case of Emotional New Beginnings

It's been a while since my last post, and since then, I think it's an understatement to say that a lot has happened. In the grand scheme of things, most of these happenings have been positive and exciting. But the process of getting through these life events has been one of the most stressful periods of my life, and I'm relieved to say that I think this tsunami of chaos is finally coming to an end.

Not to worry, I'm not writing this to rant about my woes and complain...especially since so much of what is currently in my life are good things. No, I'm writing to tell you about some of my musings I've had now that I actually have time to slow down and think things over.

I have to admit that this move, combined with the rest of my life being particularly busier than usual, has been incredibly overwhelming for me, both physically and emotionally. I've cried more in the last month than I care to admit, with more than one minor mental breakdown; I've been perpetually exhausted; and I've managed to get 3 migraines in the span of 2 weeks, when I hadn't had my last one in 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of why I was so overwhelmed - if you want that side of the story we can get together and drink a bottle of wine - but the truth is that I was. But as I sit here in my new apartment comfortably curled up on the couch, I'm able to heave a sigh of relief that this wave of absolute madness seems to finally be over (aka I can finally finish unpacking!). I'm also able to look back on it all and reflect, as well as look forward to what's to come.

Now that I'm finally on my own, I'm realizing that I can officially begin to start doing all the things I talked about while I was waiting for my life to start. First and foremost, it's time to regain the independence I feel like I've lost over the last year and a half, to get my own plans started. I can finally begin to get a social life back again, and hopefully meet new people along the way. I live within walking distance to the closest metro, opening a door of endless possibilities of things to do (I think it's time to make a DC bucket list). I can begin rolling forward with planning my life and what I want to do next, what I want to accomplish. The list goes on and on. But getting down to the bare bones of it, all I can say is this...I did it. I moved out of the house, got out on my own, and somehow managed to survive the physical and emotional beating that the last few months have brought upon me.

But along with this moving forward, I have a lot of reflecting to do on this whole experience. A lot of my flaws and insecurities came up, and they still rest with me as I sit here now. How will I move past them? How will I grow from them? How in the WORLD will I get my head back on straight after the mental headcase I've become? Honestly, I think this is the first step. Getting the chance to breathe, collect myself, figure out what went right and what went wrong, then get off my ass and move forward (literally and figuratively...my running has taken a back seat in all this). Or in the wise words of Anthony Bourdaine, which can be applied and interpreted in many different ways to my life, "Open your eyes, get off up the couch, move."