The Coolest Tree Ever

Well, the holiday season has officially ended. Gifts have been unwrapped, tinsel tucked away, budgets busted. We're back into the regular ins and outs of everyday life. But although Christmas has past, I feel I would be doing an injustice if I didn't tell you all about my family's extra special Christmas tree that we got this year. Here's a picture of it:

I have to admit, I was surprised at people's reactions when I initially showed them this picture. They would politely smile and nod and tell me that yes, it is in fact a very pretty tree. They didn't even see what made it EXTRA special! If you did the same thing, take another look. See it now? Hint: it's not the popcorn (although not only is my family so epic that we have popcorn on our tree, we're epic to the point that it's the same popcorn that my parents strung for their first Christmas together 28 years ago).

Hopefully by now you've seen what I'm talking about. If not...well, you might want to invest in a pair of glasses. Either way, though, here's a close up of what I'm talking about:

Yes, our Christmas tree seemed to have its own built-in mini version of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. Before we started decorating it, my dad was pulling down some of the branches that were still tucked among the main limbs, when we came across this one. He went to pull it out, but it seemed to never end! When the whole branch finally came out it just looked like a very strange arm, stupidly hanging on the side of our tree. We laughed about it for a minute, but soon decided that the awkward limb needed to be amputated. Dad grabbed the cutters, but then we thought about it a bit more and said, "Ehhh, maybe we'll wait a little longer."

We decorated the tree, quickly adding a single red ball ornament to the protruding arm. This was soon followed by my dad's airplane ornament (such a great spot to make it look like it was flying!). The more we decorated, the more we realized...we just couldn't cut the branch. Some natural hiccup may have caused it to be a little different than the other Christmas trees out there, but to us, that's what made it special. In a strange but awesome way, that quirky little arm was what made us feel like that tree was truly meant to belong to the Phelps family.

And there you have it. The Phelps family Christmas tree of 2012. Our extra special tree.

I'll Start on January Second...

Happy New Year, everyone! We've finally made it to 2013 and it's time to start working on those long lists of unrealistic resolutions...tomorrow.

This year is the first time that I've heard it said that you shouldn't start acting on your resolutions on January 1st, but that you should actually start them on the 2nd. Which, when you think about it, makes a lot of sense. Let's face it - New Year's Day is a day of recovery. I'm pretty sure the only reason we all get off work today is because the whole world has one giant hangover. Even my body, which managed to escape the pounding head and churning stomach, is still recovering from the vast quantity and variety of alcohol that it took in last night. It's not exactly the best way to start moving forward. So don't worry about it - take advantage of not having to work today. Relax, recover, watch movies, and enjoy a little down time. But tomorrow it's time for all of us to get our asses in gear.

Today, however, there is one resolution that I'm digging into right away, and that's this lovely little blog of mine! I really want to write more, so I'm starting right here, right now. But why would I start today, you may ask, when I'm holding off on everything else? To let you all know that I'm hoping I'll have lots of things to write about and that I plan to do it often. I have lots of other resolutions, things like doing more service, going on adventures, seeing my family more, etc, that will all hopefully give me more writing material. So here we go, it's kick off time! But all those other things I will of course start tomorrow.

My goal is to write a blog post a week, about any topic (hopefully I succeed!). I'm really hoping to expand my writing skills, so constructive criticism is welcome! Did you like my post? Think it was a little boring? Did I overuse a word or phrase? Was it so incredibly mind-blowing that you think I deserve a Pulitzer? I can't improve if I don't get any feedback, so bring it on! Just don't be too mean...

Anywho, post number one of hopefully many in 2013. Happy New Year, and good luck with those resolutions!

A Glass Case of Emotional New Beginnings

It's been a while since my last post, and since then, I think it's an understatement to say that a lot has happened. In the grand scheme of things, most of these happenings have been positive and exciting. But the process of getting through these life events has been one of the most stressful periods of my life, and I'm relieved to say that I think this tsunami of chaos is finally coming to an end.

Not to worry, I'm not writing this to rant about my woes and complain...especially since so much of what is currently in my life are good things. No, I'm writing to tell you about some of my musings I've had now that I actually have time to slow down and think things over.

I have to admit that this move, combined with the rest of my life being particularly busier than usual, has been incredibly overwhelming for me, both physically and emotionally. I've cried more in the last month than I care to admit, with more than one minor mental breakdown; I've been perpetually exhausted; and I've managed to get 3 migraines in the span of 2 weeks, when I hadn't had my last one in 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of why I was so overwhelmed - if you want that side of the story we can get together and drink a bottle of wine - but the truth is that I was. But as I sit here in my new apartment comfortably curled up on the couch, I'm able to heave a sigh of relief that this wave of absolute madness seems to finally be over (aka I can finally finish unpacking!). I'm also able to look back on it all and reflect, as well as look forward to what's to come.

Now that I'm finally on my own, I'm realizing that I can officially begin to start doing all the things I talked about while I was waiting for my life to start. First and foremost, it's time to regain the independence I feel like I've lost over the last year and a half, to get my own plans started. I can finally begin to get a social life back again, and hopefully meet new people along the way. I live within walking distance to the closest metro, opening a door of endless possibilities of things to do (I think it's time to make a DC bucket list). I can begin rolling forward with planning my life and what I want to do next, what I want to accomplish. The list goes on and on. But getting down to the bare bones of it, all I can say is this...I did it. I moved out of the house, got out on my own, and somehow managed to survive the physical and emotional beating that the last few months have brought upon me.

But along with this moving forward, I have a lot of reflecting to do on this whole experience. A lot of my flaws and insecurities came up, and they still rest with me as I sit here now. How will I move past them? How will I grow from them? How in the WORLD will I get my head back on straight after the mental headcase I've become? Honestly, I think this is the first step. Getting the chance to breathe, collect myself, figure out what went right and what went wrong, then get off my ass and move forward (literally and figuratively...my running has taken a back seat in all this). Or in the wise words of Anthony Bourdaine, which can be applied and interpreted in many different ways to my life, "Open your eyes, get off up the couch, move."

Removing the Mask

When I was a junior in high school, I went on the traditional "Junior Retreat" that students have been going on for generations. Junior retreat covered a lot of things and tried to help people open up, but one of the main points that was emphasized was for everyone to "remove their mask." At the time I didn't feel like this little lesson applied to me...I never tried to be someone I wasn't; I never tried to change who I was; I never tried to fit into crowd. It wasn't until 4 years later that I realized how very wrong I was.

It wasn't until college when I was studying abroad in Europe that it finally dawned on me how much I had tried to "modify" myself when I was a teenager. I may not have been trying to fit in with the main popular crowd of high school, but I was trying to fit in with the group that I had become friends with. I would say and do things not because I REALLY wanted to, but because I thought that's what other people wanted and that they would like me more for it. Thank goodness I had a good group of friends so those actions didn't involve horrible decisions like drugs or sex, but nonetheless, I still wasn't allowing myself to be completely me. Whether it was to make more guy friends or fit in with the band better, I was always saying things that I thought people wanted to hear, doing things that I thought people wanted to see. This all continued all the way until college. No part of my life really seemed to be for me.

Ever since I had this little epiphany in college, I feel that I've grown tremendously as an individual and am much more comfortable with who I really am. Still, I have my moments when I'm a bit unsure of myself. Sometimes (although much less frequently), I'm unsure because I still worry about what other people will think of me. But more often than not, I'm unsure because I catch myself wondering if I'm truly doing something because I want to or if it's just because other people want me to. When you realize that you've spent so much time wearing a mask, it can be hard to tell what your actions are that are really you and what are just the remaining bits of the mask.

I've also begun to realize that this process of discovery may never end; that we discover more and more of who we are throughout our entire lives. And that's ok. At least I can say that, as of two years ago, I finally began this process of self-discovery. The cool (yet kind of ironic thing, too), is that wearing a mask actually helped open me up to new things, things that BECAME a part of who I am. I'd like to share a few of the things I've found - things that have always been there and things that have popped in more recently. Those that I list here I mention mostly because these are the things I tried to hide (or maybe play up more, depending on what it was), because I thought the people I wanted to like me, wouldn't like me otherwise. Now, I embrace all of them, and guess what...those people that I was so afraid of losing I am now closer to than ever. Some of these might seem really random or not that big a deal, or even superficial...but even superficial things can become so much deeper if you're playing up those that aren't true. And they mean something to me, in one way or another. So here's a few fun facts about me:

1. I am not a tomboy and never have been. I tried play it up in high school like I was, but no.

2. That being said, I'm not a girly-girl either. I really enjoy getting dressed up in fancy clothes or cute outfits, but I don't need clothes and make-up to make me happy.

3. I'm a scaredy cat. This is one of the things where the mask actually helped me, because I can now put my fear aside a lot and try new things. But I really am paranoid, particularly about getting hurt. I don't know why - I always thought it would be cool to have a cast ;)

4. I don't mind getting dirty at all, as long as I'm having fun/working hard/doing good/any combination thereof while I'm getting dirty. And as long as I get to shower afterward.

5. I love trying new physical challenges like running and proving myself and pushing myself farther...

6. But I am HORRIBLE at any sport that involves a ball. I can watch it on TV, can't play.

7. I'm not a pyro. In fact, I'm actually terrified of fire. This terror has decreased over the years and I now think that fire is really cool, but building a fire, lighting fireworks, etc etc...once again, I'm a scaredy cat. I'm working on it, though!

8. I'm not witty, and I really wish I was. I have my moments of genius, sure, but not normally. For example, I only come up with good comebacks 20 minutes after I need them.

And that's just a very random sampling. I hope I can tell you all more about myself as I (hopefully) blog more!

I am Incredibly Blessed...

Today was a particularly frustrating day at work. As a matter of fact, most days lately have been frustrating. I'm over it, and there's no end in sight. But as I sat there grumbling to myself and pulling my hair out, I was hit with an epiphany....

I am incredibly blessed.

I've known this for a long time, but today was a day when it truly hit me. A wake-up call from God to remind me that even though my job isn't the greatest, I have so many other wonderful things to be grateful for.

I am incredibly blessed......

...to have the best family and friends anyone could ask for.

...to have a beautiful and comfortable home to live in.

...to even HAVE a job with a paycheck and benefits.

...to have a loving father who still lets me live at home while I save up money ;)

...to be able to save up money so that I can live comfortably and have fun -- or more likely to put to use when I have to eventually get my future car fixed.

...to have good health.

...to have had the chance to study abroad and travel.

...to have food on the table.

...to have earned a college degree.

...to have many fun and wonderful memories.

...to live in a free country.

and the list goes on and on and on.

Thank you, God, for giving me so many wonderful blessings and for allowing me to live a happy and joyful life.