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Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Never-Ending Tube of Toothpaste

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I noticed that I was running rather low on toothpaste. Normally I wait until my brand is on sale to buy more, but I didn't think my remaining toothpaste would last more than a few days. I had already put the purchase off for a week, so I figured I would be pushing my luck if I waited any longer. So, I jumped the gun, went to CVS, and bought a two-pack of toothpaste at full price. I was so proud of myself that I had actually found the motivation to be prepared. I could rest easy knowing that I had a full supply of toothpaste and wouldn't have to run out to get more in the middle of the week when I was tired after work. Whew!

A week later, I was still using the same tube of toothpaste that had triggered my nerves and forced me to rush to the store. It was this same week that I noticed that my brand of toothpaste had just gone on sale. "Damn," I thought, "I could have held off a week and I would have been fine." Oh well, better safe than sorry. At least I didn't have to fight the stores in the middle of the week if I had run out.

As time went on, I was still using the same toothpaste. Day after day, I thought I was getting the last little bit out of the top of the tube, and yet there was always more. Oddly, rather than being happy that I still had toothpaste and wasn't wasting anything, I started getting frustrated - would it ever run out?! Well, a few nights ago, the anticipation of the end of my toothpaste finally got to me. I had to put a bit of effort into getting that night's portion out and thought, "Ha! It's finally finished!" But just to check, I gave it one more squeeze - and there was more! It just couldn't be! It wasn't possible!

I had officially snapped. Suddenly all of these possibilities of why the toothpaste didn't run out started buzzing through my mind. While these possibilities may have been partially fueled by exaustion and may make you feel the need to send me for a brain scan, maybe they'll at least be somewhat entertaining:

1. The gnomes did it! When I was at school, various items, particularly kitchen accessories, kept disappearing. My crazy roommates and I decided that there must be mischeivous gnomes that kept stealing everything. Well, I've decided that the toothpaste gnomes are just as mischeivous, but in a different way. Instead of stealing my toothpaste, they slowly just keep adding a little bit more when my tube is actually empty, just to mess with my head. *Nervous twitch*

2. It must be magic. I clearly was the lucky purchaser of a magical tube of toothpaste. Every time the user thinks that it is about to run out, it magically refills itself to provide just enough toothpaste for that particular cleaning. How thoughtful.

3. A diabolical plot by the toothpaste marketing people. Marketing people wanted to trick consumers into thinking they were running low on toothpaste all the time to get them to buy more. The toothpaste people realized that a tube was the best dispenser for their product, so it was a win-win for them...but a headache for consumers. Joy.

It's now a few days after I snapped from bewilderment, and I am still on the same tube of toothpaste. I think that I'm finally nearing the end, but at the rate I'm going, the gnomes are probably adding more toothpaste right this moment.