Learning to Love

Moving out on my own has been a wonderful thing for me. I've regained a lot of my independence, I've been having fun, and I've finally started to learn how to budget. My mood and happiness level have also improved greatly, which of course is a huge plus. But despite these major improvements, there are still some things in my life that I like to complain about. If you haven't been on the receiving end of one of my ranting sessions, consider yourself lucky. But to fill you in on a little tidbit so that you see where I'm actually going with this post, I've finally realized (with the help of my lovely roommate who does patiently listen to my rants) that my two biggest sources of complaining are 1. wanting a meaningful job/career and 2. wanting a boyfriend.

While there are of course other fun little details about life that add to daily stress, these two things are the big money items in my world of complaining. I've recently come to the all-too-slow epiphany that I complain about work and being single a LOT. Too much. But last week, and in the days since, I've stumbled across some things that have encouraged me to shut my trap and work on a personal attitude make-over.

The first thing that caught my eye was in a book called "The Way." Written by Joemaria Escriva, "The Way" consists of hundreds of short but incredibly insightful ways to live a holier and more fulfilling life.

One thing about this book is that it can sometimes be hard to know exactly which page to turn to in order to find a quote that fits a particular mood. But at least in my experience, I've found that that's not such a bad thing. This book is one of those that you can just open up and let yourself be surprised. Or as a friend of mine put it, you sort of play Russian Roulette as you flip along the pages and open to a random quote. That's normally what I do, and last week it revealed a phrase that was more penetrating for me than most:

412. "May the fire of your love not be a will-o-the-wisp, a vain fire, an illusion - an illusion of fire, which neither enkindles what it touches nor gives any heat."

This quote simply leapt off the page, and I automatically found myself wanting to finish it with, "Let your love be an all-consuming fire." Love in the way that God would want you to love...the way that He loved. Don't just put half of an effort into the things you do, but rather put your whole self into it. Whether the task seems enlightening or mundane, exciting or frustrating, you should perform it with all the love you have.

 This was one of thing things that helped me to realize that by complaining all the time, I was not allowing myself to love as I should. My desire for a boyfriend shows my ability to love, but my lack of a boyfriend shouldn't stop me from fully loving all the other wonderful people that I already have in my life - and all the other ones that I have yet to meet. Wanting a more fulfilling job where I can serve others is a good goal to have, but I should still perform my current job with as much hard work and effort, and even love, as I can.

Along with other little things that brought up these thoughts about love throughout my week, I met up with a friend this weekend that introduced me to another wonderful quote. After venting to her about the loneliness that is being single, she handed me a book called "Style, Sex, & Substance," then directed me to Chapter 5: "Single and Seeking God's Plan."

I figured she wouldn't steer me wrong and that this chapter would probably have something insightful, but little did I realize how appropriate it would truly be to my current state in life - and to my apparent journey in learning more about love. In the subsection titled "Our Vocation to Love," Anna Mitchell beautifully states,

"For most single people, this state in life is temporary. But even if it's not, our job right now and always is to live out the universal vocation to love. Everyone is created by Love for love, and we never lose that first calling."

Another lightbulb. Short, sweet, and to the point. I truly feel like I'm called to marriage, but you never know where life is actually going to take you. My state of being single shouldn't make me miserable. I should still love no matter what my relationship status is on Facebook. And I should love with as much love as possible.

Most importantly, however, through these quotes (as well as others, and conversations with friends and my parish priest), love first and foremost needs to be directed toward God. Loving God, and loving in the name of God, is the most important kind of love. Loving God is what helps us get through the good times and the bad. And loving God first also helps us to love others, and even ourselves, more. Believe me, I know that this can often be much easier said than done. But believe it or not, the more we work to love God, the easier it is to see how much he truly is there throughout every step of our lives.

So I guess the moral of the story is this: I'm still trying to learn how to love. I need to complain a little less, and love a little more. I need to give back to the world around me, and thank God for the many blessings that He's given me throughout my life. I've come a long way in the last few years, but I've still got a long way to go, and I hope and pray that I'm at least headed in the right direction.

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And now, I embrace my ever-present inner English major and provide you with this lovely bibliography (courtesy of all my teachers throughout the years who have instilled in me a horrifying fear of getting expelled for plagiarism):

Escriva, Josemaria. The Way. New York: Scepter, 1954.

Mitchell, Anna. "Single and Seeking God's Plan."Style, Sex, & Substance. Ed. Hallie Lord. Huntington: Our Sunday Visitor, 2012. 75-86.

(I'm sorry I couldn't get the indentation in! Dang formatting!)

Comedic Relief

It's 5:00 PM on a Friday afternoon. It's been a long, stressful week, and you're ready to punch a hole through your cubicle wall...with your head. You're more than ready for the long-awaited weekend, and what better way could you kick off said weekend than by going to happy hour?

By going to a comedy club of course! Laughter is the best medicine, right?

There are a lot of new things that I've been wanting to try out lately, and going to a comedy club was just one of them. This past Friday, I finally got to go to one...and I absolutely LOVED it!!

This recent comedy club adventure was initially sparked by a LivingSocial deal of all things. Unfortunately, upon searching the comedian that they were featuring, it turned out that he wasn't all that funny. But that didn't stop us. We still wanted to go to a comedy show, so I searched comedy clubs in DC. Google didn't fail me, and the first search result gave me the top club in the city...DC Improv. I talked to my roommates, we set up a roomie date night, then bought our tickets for a fun Friday night out.

I have to say, not only was I not disappointed by our trip to this legendary comedy club, but it exceeded all expectations. It sits in a cool and classy (and surprisingly not creepy) location that sits below street level, in classic comedy club fashion. The service is incredible, from ticket pick-up, to table seating, to food service. Seating is on a first-come, first-serve basis, and since I was one of the first ones there, I of course took them up on the offer to be seated right up front. The club itself has that cramped but cozy intimate setting with small tables all placed pretty close together. I excitedly and impatiently waited for my roommates to get there (the host brought them directly to my table) and for the fun night to begin.

And now the most important part, the comedians themselves. The main act we went to see was Christian Finnegan. He had us laughing throughout his entire set, and I'm so glad we decided to see him even though we didn't know much about him. But the best part was that he wasn't the only one that had us laughing that night, since we got to see two shorter acts before Christian even got on stage. Mike James, the host, is a local comedian who had the shortest, but still very funny set. He was followed by Carmen Lynch. I have to admit I'm usually not that impressed by most female comedians, but Carmen broke that streak. She was absolutely HILARIOUS, and I'm still debating if she was my favorite act of the night.

If you've ever thought about going to a comedy club I highly recommend checking out DC Improv. Not only did we have a great time, but it was affordable as well. Our tickets were $20 each, and the food and drinks weren't too pricey, either. It's a fun and unique night out, so definitely give it a shot! I know I'm going again!

The Coolest Tree Ever

Well, the holiday season has officially ended. Gifts have been unwrapped, tinsel tucked away, budgets busted. We're back into the regular ins and outs of everyday life. But although Christmas has past, I feel I would be doing an injustice if I didn't tell you all about my family's extra special Christmas tree that we got this year. Here's a picture of it:

I have to admit, I was surprised at people's reactions when I initially showed them this picture. They would politely smile and nod and tell me that yes, it is in fact a very pretty tree. They didn't even see what made it EXTRA special! If you did the same thing, take another look. See it now? Hint: it's not the popcorn (although not only is my family so epic that we have popcorn on our tree, we're epic to the point that it's the same popcorn that my parents strung for their first Christmas together 28 years ago).

Hopefully by now you've seen what I'm talking about. If not...well, you might want to invest in a pair of glasses. Either way, though, here's a close up of what I'm talking about:

Yes, our Christmas tree seemed to have its own built-in mini version of the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. Before we started decorating it, my dad was pulling down some of the branches that were still tucked among the main limbs, when we came across this one. He went to pull it out, but it seemed to never end! When the whole branch finally came out it just looked like a very strange arm, stupidly hanging on the side of our tree. We laughed about it for a minute, but soon decided that the awkward limb needed to be amputated. Dad grabbed the cutters, but then we thought about it a bit more and said, "Ehhh, maybe we'll wait a little longer."

We decorated the tree, quickly adding a single red ball ornament to the protruding arm. This was soon followed by my dad's airplane ornament (such a great spot to make it look like it was flying!). The more we decorated, the more we realized...we just couldn't cut the branch. Some natural hiccup may have caused it to be a little different than the other Christmas trees out there, but to us, that's what made it special. In a strange but awesome way, that quirky little arm was what made us feel like that tree was truly meant to belong to the Phelps family.

And there you have it. The Phelps family Christmas tree of 2012. Our extra special tree.

I'll Start on January Second...

Happy New Year, everyone! We've finally made it to 2013 and it's time to start working on those long lists of unrealistic resolutions...tomorrow.

This year is the first time that I've heard it said that you shouldn't start acting on your resolutions on January 1st, but that you should actually start them on the 2nd. Which, when you think about it, makes a lot of sense. Let's face it - New Year's Day is a day of recovery. I'm pretty sure the only reason we all get off work today is because the whole world has one giant hangover. Even my body, which managed to escape the pounding head and churning stomach, is still recovering from the vast quantity and variety of alcohol that it took in last night. It's not exactly the best way to start moving forward. So don't worry about it - take advantage of not having to work today. Relax, recover, watch movies, and enjoy a little down time. But tomorrow it's time for all of us to get our asses in gear.

Today, however, there is one resolution that I'm digging into right away, and that's this lovely little blog of mine! I really want to write more, so I'm starting right here, right now. But why would I start today, you may ask, when I'm holding off on everything else? To let you all know that I'm hoping I'll have lots of things to write about and that I plan to do it often. I have lots of other resolutions, things like doing more service, going on adventures, seeing my family more, etc, that will all hopefully give me more writing material. So here we go, it's kick off time! But all those other things I will of course start tomorrow.

My goal is to write a blog post a week, about any topic (hopefully I succeed!). I'm really hoping to expand my writing skills, so constructive criticism is welcome! Did you like my post? Think it was a little boring? Did I overuse a word or phrase? Was it so incredibly mind-blowing that you think I deserve a Pulitzer? I can't improve if I don't get any feedback, so bring it on! Just don't be too mean...

Anywho, post number one of hopefully many in 2013. Happy New Year, and good luck with those resolutions!

A Glass Case of Emotional New Beginnings

It's been a while since my last post, and since then, I think it's an understatement to say that a lot has happened. In the grand scheme of things, most of these happenings have been positive and exciting. But the process of getting through these life events has been one of the most stressful periods of my life, and I'm relieved to say that I think this tsunami of chaos is finally coming to an end.

Not to worry, I'm not writing this to rant about my woes and complain...especially since so much of what is currently in my life are good things. No, I'm writing to tell you about some of my musings I've had now that I actually have time to slow down and think things over.

I have to admit that this move, combined with the rest of my life being particularly busier than usual, has been incredibly overwhelming for me, both physically and emotionally. I've cried more in the last month than I care to admit, with more than one minor mental breakdown; I've been perpetually exhausted; and I've managed to get 3 migraines in the span of 2 weeks, when I hadn't had my last one in 3 years. I won't bore you with the details of why I was so overwhelmed - if you want that side of the story we can get together and drink a bottle of wine - but the truth is that I was. But as I sit here in my new apartment comfortably curled up on the couch, I'm able to heave a sigh of relief that this wave of absolute madness seems to finally be over (aka I can finally finish unpacking!). I'm also able to look back on it all and reflect, as well as look forward to what's to come.

Now that I'm finally on my own, I'm realizing that I can officially begin to start doing all the things I talked about while I was waiting for my life to start. First and foremost, it's time to regain the independence I feel like I've lost over the last year and a half, to get my own plans started. I can finally begin to get a social life back again, and hopefully meet new people along the way. I live within walking distance to the closest metro, opening a door of endless possibilities of things to do (I think it's time to make a DC bucket list). I can begin rolling forward with planning my life and what I want to do next, what I want to accomplish. The list goes on and on. But getting down to the bare bones of it, all I can say is this...I did it. I moved out of the house, got out on my own, and somehow managed to survive the physical and emotional beating that the last few months have brought upon me.

But along with this moving forward, I have a lot of reflecting to do on this whole experience. A lot of my flaws and insecurities came up, and they still rest with me as I sit here now. How will I move past them? How will I grow from them? How in the WORLD will I get my head back on straight after the mental headcase I've become? Honestly, I think this is the first step. Getting the chance to breathe, collect myself, figure out what went right and what went wrong, then get off my ass and move forward (literally and figuratively...my running has taken a back seat in all this). Or in the wise words of Anthony Bourdaine, which can be applied and interpreted in many different ways to my life, "Open your eyes, get off up the couch, move."