Learning to Love

Moving out on my own has been a wonderful thing for me. I've regained a lot of my independence, I've been having fun, and I've finally started to learn how to budget. My mood and happiness level have also improved greatly, which of course is a huge plus. But despite these major improvements, there are still some things in my life that I like to complain about. If you haven't been on the receiving end of one of my ranting sessions, consider yourself lucky. But to fill you in on a little tidbit so that you see where I'm actually going with this post, I've finally realized (with the help of my lovely roommate who does patiently listen to my rants) that my two biggest sources of complaining are 1. wanting a meaningful job/career and 2. wanting a boyfriend.

While there are of course other fun little details about life that add to daily stress, these two things are the big money items in my world of complaining. I've recently come to the all-too-slow epiphany that I complain about work and being single a LOT. Too much. But last week, and in the days since, I've stumbled across some things that have encouraged me to shut my trap and work on a personal attitude make-over.

The first thing that caught my eye was in a book called "The Way." Written by Joemaria Escriva, "The Way" consists of hundreds of short but incredibly insightful ways to live a holier and more fulfilling life.

One thing about this book is that it can sometimes be hard to know exactly which page to turn to in order to find a quote that fits a particular mood. But at least in my experience, I've found that that's not such a bad thing. This book is one of those that you can just open up and let yourself be surprised. Or as a friend of mine put it, you sort of play Russian Roulette as you flip along the pages and open to a random quote. That's normally what I do, and last week it revealed a phrase that was more penetrating for me than most:

412. "May the fire of your love not be a will-o-the-wisp, a vain fire, an illusion - an illusion of fire, which neither enkindles what it touches nor gives any heat."

This quote simply leapt off the page, and I automatically found myself wanting to finish it with, "Let your love be an all-consuming fire." Love in the way that God would want you to love...the way that He loved. Don't just put half of an effort into the things you do, but rather put your whole self into it. Whether the task seems enlightening or mundane, exciting or frustrating, you should perform it with all the love you have.

 This was one of thing things that helped me to realize that by complaining all the time, I was not allowing myself to love as I should. My desire for a boyfriend shows my ability to love, but my lack of a boyfriend shouldn't stop me from fully loving all the other wonderful people that I already have in my life - and all the other ones that I have yet to meet. Wanting a more fulfilling job where I can serve others is a good goal to have, but I should still perform my current job with as much hard work and effort, and even love, as I can.

Along with other little things that brought up these thoughts about love throughout my week, I met up with a friend this weekend that introduced me to another wonderful quote. After venting to her about the loneliness that is being single, she handed me a book called "Style, Sex, & Substance," then directed me to Chapter 5: "Single and Seeking God's Plan."

I figured she wouldn't steer me wrong and that this chapter would probably have something insightful, but little did I realize how appropriate it would truly be to my current state in life - and to my apparent journey in learning more about love. In the subsection titled "Our Vocation to Love," Anna Mitchell beautifully states,

"For most single people, this state in life is temporary. But even if it's not, our job right now and always is to live out the universal vocation to love. Everyone is created by Love for love, and we never lose that first calling."

Another lightbulb. Short, sweet, and to the point. I truly feel like I'm called to marriage, but you never know where life is actually going to take you. My state of being single shouldn't make me miserable. I should still love no matter what my relationship status is on Facebook. And I should love with as much love as possible.

Most importantly, however, through these quotes (as well as others, and conversations with friends and my parish priest), love first and foremost needs to be directed toward God. Loving God, and loving in the name of God, is the most important kind of love. Loving God is what helps us get through the good times and the bad. And loving God first also helps us to love others, and even ourselves, more. Believe me, I know that this can often be much easier said than done. But believe it or not, the more we work to love God, the easier it is to see how much he truly is there throughout every step of our lives.

So I guess the moral of the story is this: I'm still trying to learn how to love. I need to complain a little less, and love a little more. I need to give back to the world around me, and thank God for the many blessings that He's given me throughout my life. I've come a long way in the last few years, but I've still got a long way to go, and I hope and pray that I'm at least headed in the right direction.

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And now, I embrace my ever-present inner English major and provide you with this lovely bibliography (courtesy of all my teachers throughout the years who have instilled in me a horrifying fear of getting expelled for plagiarism):

Escriva, Josemaria. The Way. New York: Scepter, 1954.

Mitchell, Anna. "Single and Seeking God's Plan."Style, Sex, & Substance. Ed. Hallie Lord. Huntington: Our Sunday Visitor, 2012. 75-86.

(I'm sorry I couldn't get the indentation in! Dang formatting!)